Hi everyone and welcome to “The Cove”!
Now you may be wondering what “The Cove” is, where it’s coming from and why it does not appear to have anything to do with my prior fashion and beauty content…
Well here’s the reason!
Long, long before the creation of ciarralorren.com (I’m talking nearly seven years ago) I dreamed of one day starting a fashion blog. It was during a time of great difficulty and hardships, struggling with severe anxiety, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder that this desire sparked inside of me. However, due to my anxiety, achieving my dream was simply out of the question…at least in my mind. I always had the knack for writing and during those times I found mental writing (as actual, physical writing caused way too much anxiety for myself) of memoirs, letters and short stories to be the only escape from the terrifying reality I created for myself. So, I would simply think, and envision myself writing the sentences I formed within my mind.
At the time my mind was my greatest strength, but it was also my most dangerous weapon. I could dream up the most magical stories within seconds only to have them shattered by the fear brought about through my anxiety. My positive thoughts and positive attitude quickly became overcome by negativity. However, I kept it all within, not allowing anyone except God, to see the struggle I was going through on a daily basis. To this day, I have shared my story with very few people outside of family. This was in part because I didn’t want anyone to feel sorry for me, I didn’t want to show my vulnerabilities, I didn’t want people to characterize me by my anxiety, nor did I believe I deserved the attention as what other people in the world were struggling with was far worse than anything I could ever imagine. Most importantly, I did not want to hurt those around me by spreading my negativity. I thought by merely keeping everything within, the thoughts, fears and anxiety would simply go away. Spoil alert; it didn’t.
After endless nights of wasting more than three hours attempting to go into bed because of my OCD habits, daily crying sessions and struggling to do the most basic life activities like turning on a shower to putting on a pair of jeans, I cracked. Naturally, I turned to my family who gave me all the love and support they possibly could to overcome my anxiety and I could not thank them enough nor could I apologize enough for all I put them through. I turned to psychologists as well, hoping a “professional” could get me out of my own rut. But this was a job for someone who needed to become stronger; for myself. I’ve come to realize that if you truly want something to change, you have to want the change from deep within. I’m sure anyone with anxiety can attest to the fact that your mind can play more tricks on you than a prankster, making you believe in the most ridiculous things and turning you into someone you never want to be.
So, I looked within, turning to my core beliefs, my family and my firm belief in God to pull myself through. And while I continue to struggle with anxiety, OCD and PTSD today, I am so proud of how far I’ve come along, of how many habits I resisted and how many thoughts I simply let go.
Which, brings me to “The Cove,” the blog I once dreamed of creating; a blog where I dreamed of being able to turn to anxiety-free and happy. I came up with the name as for me a “cove” has two important symbols in my life. For one, when I think of a cove, I imagine a beautiful place to escape, which is the main objective of this section. Also, when I think about my “happy place,” I envision the scene of myself sitting in the sand with crystal-clear water touching my toes and the sun gently kissing my skin from the many vacations I’ve been blessed to experience with my family for the last 22 years of my life. I want this to be our happy place.
After nearly seven years of struggling and dreaming, I am finally introducing “The Cove” as a new section associated with my blog. I hope this section becomes a place where readers can come to, relate to and not feel alone. I also want this section to be a place to bring awareness to mental health as I feel as though it is something we don’t talk enough about in today’s society. I hope this section inspires you to go after your dreams, overcome your anxieties and live life the REAL way you want it to be lived. Whether you have anxiety or not, I want you to know that you are not alone in whatever it is you are struggling with and to never be afraid to reach for help.
This is not to say, however, that this section will be driven by anxiety-based content. Rather, I desire the opposite to be true. As you may or may not know, ciarralorren was created as a semester-long assignment last fall for a fashion journalism course at Rutgers University. However, for me, I’ve continued to write about fashion and beauty as it is what I am truly passionate about and would love to turn into a successful and fulfilling career one day. Though much of the content was created in contingence with strict requirements and a great desire to receive an A, I’ve been making the attempt to make ciarralorren more than merely an assignment over the last several months. I want it to be a reflection of me; a place of love, faith and happiness.
Therefore, I will be posting literally anything on this blog from memoirs and quotes I’ve created in my mind to pictures and lifestyle posts and everything in between. I want to post content that makes me happy to make you happy, whoever you are, so long as you wish to read it. And I truly hope you do.
Thank you so much for reading this much already and thank you for supporting my dreams. I cannot wait to embark on this new journey.